Dear Rusty,

(My Brother) Angel St. Clare Gygax-Goldstein is coming back from his travels abroad and beginning to think about which Niew Netherland neighborhood he will live in as he gets settled in as a bike messenger/CIA agent/sunburned drifter with soapsud beard. No he’s probably thinking about which raft him and his girlfriend should get on in Laos. ANYWAY The the Gygax-Goldstein family, along with the Beekeepers and Romola Bitsy, a cousin of the California branch of the Goldstiens, were determining his fate in his absence. I thought that you might be interested in out breakdown of the neighborhoods in case you decided to ever do the right thing, repatriate the Potowatomi, and come back. “Young people” counts as good or bad depending. Of course they mean it in the most thoughtless, racist classist way. Obviously there are way more neighborhoods but they’re not real. Also obviously this is just an exercise in showing how insane discussions about NY Neighborhoods are.

North Brooklyn

Greenpoint: Nice, young people, can’t drink the water, too far from trains

Williamsburg: Too many young people, too expensive

Kensington: No one really knows

Bushwick: Ok but gross (what?)

South Brooklyn:

Fort Greene: too expensive, too french. Young people, but not that young. Young like us, not like Angel St. Clare. You know, MILFS

Crown Heights: Confused stares

Queens:

Astoria: Might like it my friend who knows says it is getting the really youn youngsters these days, but too expensive.

LIC: Suity and sooty.

Sunnyside: Nice but no young people. Just old old old people wandering around eating dirt.

Jackson Heights: No young people. Yes there are, Amy and Derek. No, they broke up. So, ok there’s still at least one young person.

I hope that helps both you and ASC.

Yours faithfully,

VGB

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