Dear Violet,

Sartorially speaking, I do indeed still look pretty awesome all the time if I do say so myself.

What’s Hot Right Now with Rusty Schwartz?

  • Bow ties. As-Salamu Alaykum, folks. But actually it’s kinda hot out in the non-specific midwestern metropolis these days. So the bow ties are not exactly de moment. But expect those fuckers come winter. Not the skinny ones, either. Like, regular ones; Economist-for-Halloween-type bow ties. Write that shit down, stylebloggers (i know you’re reading).
  • Topsiders. Yeah, I could work at American Apparel. But mostly, when you plan on going into public service you’re gonna have folks trying to butter you up all the time and you have to be ready to go yachting at a moment’s notice. REMEMBER: not all bribes can be converted to hookers. Be prepared!
  • Aviator glasses, as always. These never went away. Ignore the big glasses backlash; it’s important to hide as much of your face as possible. Because if you are like most people you have a bad face and beady little eyes.* Embrace the mystery, &c.

What’s been bothering Rusty Schwartz?

  • H&M shirts. I was excited about these at first. The mediums actually seem to be the only shirts that actually fit me. By which I mean, I can (a) button the collar because apparently I have a huge fucking football-player neck or something and (b) I’m not swimming in the rest of the shirt like a little kid because ‘roid-rage neck notwithstanding I’m actually a pretty scrawny guy. So that’s all good right? NOPE! Because those shirts don’t have breast pockets. Not one. Not that left one that nice normal shirts have. I mean, where am I supposed to put the things I normally put in my shirtpocket? GET REAL indeed.

BTW & FWIW: Project Runway season 8 starts tomorrow.

Make it work or whatever,

*Not addressed to Violet, who is of course, a babe, but rather to the general public. It’s not personal; it’s just probability.

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